I have put off writing this for a few weeks now, as I haven’t been able to bring myself to write about what is happening with PC Honduras and how it will affect my life. I left Honduras on December 17th for Texas, beyond excited to see my family and friends, eat some delicious food, take hot showers and just enjoy some time in the good old US of A. My elation to be back in the States was quickly slashed when I received an email from our country director on December 20, with the subject line “Please read immediately”. To sum up the email, Peace Corps had made the decision to temporarily close the country (for a minimum of 30 days but most likely for longer) and send all the volunteers in Honduras back to the States while they conduct a thorough examination of the security situation in Honduras. During this time, they will decide if they will reopen the country and what changes will need to be made in order to ensure the safety and security of the volunteers serving in Honduras (this will most likely include a smaller number of volunteers in country, only placing volunteers in certain areas of the country, changing how volunteers travel around Honduras, etc). To say I was crushed would be an understatement. Once the initial shock wore off, I couldn’t help but cry as I started to think about all the things I would have to leave behind in Honduras, all the goals I had set for the coming year and a half that I will never be able to accomplish and mainly for all the people in Honduras who have become such close friends and even family to me.
I would be lying if I said this news came out of nowhere as the safety and security situation in Honduras on a nation wide level is abysmal. I have had many conversations with my PC friends over the last 10 months about whether or not we would be able to stay in Honduras for the next 27 months to complete our service. Honduras has the world’s highest reported murder rates and narcotics trafficking is reeking havoc all over the country. Once you add in the country’s problems with corruption and a myriad of other issues, you don’t get a very pretty picture. For those of you that are interested, this article does a good job explaining the deterioration state of Honduras. I haven’t talked much about this with anyone back in the States because I never wanted anyone to worry about me. I have always felt very safe in my site and have never had even the slightest problem here.
I returned to Honduras January 3 and made it safely back to La Florida, my site, the following day. As thankful as I am to be able to have a week to say my goodbyes and tie up as many loose ends as possible, this week is going to be an emotional roller coaster. I have been having to explain to all my fiends, work colleagues and host family members why I will be leaving again in just a week and how this time, I may not come back. I have barley been back 36 hours and I have already had to fight back tears more than once as I tell someone else my current situation. Knowing that, in all likelihood, I only have 10 more days in Honduras breaks my heart. I have come to love this country and have been astonished by the kindness the people here have shown me. Whether it be the patience in dealing with my less than stellar Spanish, inviting me over for coffee, dinner, birthday parties, etc or just greeting me with a smile and ‘adios’ as I pass them on the street, I can not even begin to express how much these last ten months have impacted my life for the better.
So what does this mean for my life at the moment…I have absolutely no clue. The best-case scenario (and the most unlikely) is that I will be able to return to La Florida and continue with my work here. A slightly more plausible but, still unlikely outcome would have me return to Honduras but in a different site. I hope to learn more about all my options next week at a volunteer conference that has been scheduled before we are all sent back to the States. I am still clinging to a microscopic sliver of hope that I can come back, but I have to be realistic. I will have the option of doing PC in another country, but once you factor in the 6 months or so it would take to be reassigned to another country plus the 27 months I would have to complete in a new country, that seems like an unlikely option for me. I don’t want to be finishing up my PC service when I am almost 28, having spent the majority of my twenties working for PC. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything, but I can’t see myself starting over again. It appears that the next step for me is to start the long process of figuring out what’s next in my life, whether that be looking for a job, going back to school or something else completely different. At this point everything is up in the air. As people keep telling me, everything will work out in the end! I guess I just need to have a little faith and take everything I have learned in the last 10 months and use that to start my next big adventure!
